“22 Minutes And 17 Seconds”
Carlton dissects his Gregg McHatton golf-video "bonding" package -- an irascible-father cover letter, a hyper-specific 22-minutes-and-17-seconds headline, and a post-dated-check "Free View" offer with a driver raffle -- complete with the "Second Notice" outgoing envelope.
PLEASE READ THIS FIRST!
Hi. My name is Tom O'Leary - I'm the father of Dr. Mike O'Leary, who runs the golf company OHP.
Now, Mike's a nice son and all that... but sometimes he just pisses me off so much I can feel my blood pressure going through the roof.
You see, we golf together about twice a week. I'm 64 years old, and a little worse for the wear after working hard all my life. Mike, the little SOB, is still a pipsqueak, in my eyes - a young pup of only 38.
So I HATE, it when he plays a better game of golf than I do. I've lost some "juice" over the years on my drives... and I guess I sort of panicked. Because I started reading the golf magazines and - big mistake - I started taking their advice seriously.
For about ten years, the magazines have been telling golfers to "tighten up" your body - no hip rotation, tight grip with the left hand, control, control, control. It sure looked good on paper, I'll tell you what.
But on the links, all that "control" cost me distance and accuracy. For years, I just thought a 200 yard drive off the tee was all I was gonna get anymore.
Meanwhile, my son the big shot was working with all these "insiders" in the PGA... and learning what REALLY works for professional golfers.
Now, Mike has never tried to keep this stuff secret from me... but it's hard to take advice from a kid who was in diapers just a few years ago. Besides, he never shuts up with the advice.
This time, however, I listened.
And it changed my life.
In just 3 minutes, Mike explained what this guy Gregg McHatton (nice Irish-sounding name) was teaching all the "elite, privileged" insiders in the professional ranks about loosening up their swings. Three minutes!
I tell you, it's like magic, it really is. I've
always hated having to "control" my body so darn tightly in my swing... and I always suspected all that control was actually robbing me of distance and accuracy, and not helping at all. And who was I to question the "experts" in the magazines.
But this guy McHatton is really on to something. And it's so easy.
Basically, with all of 3 minutes worth of advice, I was able to finally loosen up, allow my hips to rotate the way they've always wanted to... and I felt this great "natural swing" suddenly happen.
The result? I immediately started driving 280-yards off the tee... straight down the fairway!
I was out-driving my 38-year-old son by ten yards!
Hah! That put the little tyrant in his place for a while.
And the thing is... if I can do this, at a rickety 64 (I'm not a big man and I'm not in top shape)... then you can too. Maybe you won't add 80 clean years like I did... but you will finally allow the "naturally powerful" swing hidden inside you to come out. You'll see more yardage, that's for sure. Maybe more than I did.
It'll change your golf game forever. Consistent distance, awesome accuracy... and the "look" and "feel" of a real golfer. It's great. I feel a renewed love for the game, and new enthusiasm to go out and kick my son's ass on the course.
Read the letter Mike wrote - it's got the big headline and all the fancy type. Plus, he's got a way for you to see all this for FREE. It's worth a look, I tell you.
Don't miss out on this.
Sincerely,
[signature: Tom O'Leary] Tom O'Leary
PLUS: Win A Free "Easyair-T" Guaranteed-Distance Driver!
New "Free View" Is Like Getting A Front Row Seat At A Super-Secret PGA "Insider Summit" Seminar!
"In Just 22 minutes And 17 Seconds, You Can Learn For FREE What 400 Privileged 'Elite' Golfers Will Pay Thousands Of Dollars To See This Year... And NO Other Golfers Will Ever Hear About!"
To: John Carlton From: Dr. Mike O'Leary Tuesday, 9:35 a.m.
Dear John,
Today, I've just done the equivalent of breaking into Fort Knox and making off with all the gold. And I'm gonna share it with you. For free, if you want.
Here's what's going on: Take a look at the testimonials in the box to the right. Go on, read them. Pay close attention to who's doing the talking.
[sidebar box, right column:]
Here's what golfers who have had the luxury of Gregg's private teachings say:
"Gregg McHatton's insights and understanding of the golf swing are second to none. He's had a profound influence on my career." Mike Hebron '91 National PGA Teacher of the Year & Golf Magazine's Top 50 Teachers in the US
"Gregg has turned pure research into a way in which golfers can perform at their very best. His teaching is backed up by very strong science." Jim Petralia Ryder Cup Team & Two-time SoCal PGA Teacher of the Year
"Gregg is positively the best instructor I've ever worked with. He gets results faster than anybody I've ever seen... and he's helped my game tremendously. My scores went from just making par to consistantly performing under par. With Gregg's assistance, I won the '96 and '98 Ontario PGA Teacher of the Year awards. I give Gregg full credit for these accomplishments." Perry Curiston Two-time Canadian Teacher of the Year
"Biomechanically, Gregg McHatton's swing is a study in perfection and function. You could call him a 6'2" Ben Hogan!" Dr. John Greenwalt Orthopedic Surgeon & Sports Bio-Mechanics Researcher
"After my lessons with Gregg, I've gone out and shot some of the best golf score in my life. He can give you insights to your game like no one else." Joe O'Neill, Austrian PGA Professional
[end sidebar]
Did you read them? You've got a National PGA Teacher of the Year... a Ryder Cup team member... a two-time Canadian PGA Teach of the Year... a famous sports medicine researcher... and a famous Austrian PGA pro. (Austria is, of course, the international "Golf Mecca" for teachers - if you're a big banana in Austria, you know your stuff.)
Maybe you've heard of some of these guys. Certainly, most of the names pop up every now and then in the golf magazines.
But I'll bet my bottom dollar you've never heard of the guy they're talking about. Gregg McHatton.
That's because...
Gregg McHatton Is Simply The Best-Kept Secret In Professional Golf!
Gregg is the Albert Einstein of golf. Only the most privileged (and, because his fees are so outrageous, the most well-off) golfers ever hear
about him... and there's a two-year waiting period to get lessons from him. His students include some of the hottest pro's in the business.
And they all get to Gregg through a mysterious "back door" process that makes sure average golfers like you and me never, ever, ever find out about him.
The guys who can afford to go to Gregg... and whose careers and games depend on him... simply do not want anyone else to get "in" on what this guy knows. They never mention him, never admit going to him.
Even the golf magazines are ignorant of Gregg. Though he's been the featured guest speaker at four hyper-secret PGA Summit meetings - which is unheard of in the golfing world, where the next most-popular speaker has only been invited twice - Gregg gets zero mention in the press. He likes it that way. He's well-paid to stay in the shadows, and likes the anonymity of being "the guy behind the curtain".
So what's the big deal, huh? What's so great about what Gregg offers that makes grown men act like CIA operatives trying to protect state secrets?
It's this: In less time than it takes to order and eat a meal at most restaurants, Gregg can show you...
How To Instantly Feed "Pro Level" Power, Distance And Accuracy Into Your Golf Game!
Yeah, yeah, I know. You've heard this before. You can't watch a golf match on tv without being bombarded with commercials bragging about how fast they can turn you into Jack Nickolaus. (The young Jack, that is.) It sounds like bull... and, mostly, it is.
But not this time. This time, you really do have a chance to see the REAL THING.
Not only that... but... with this new "Free View" deal I've cooked up, you can see it all for FREE if you choose. Plus, just for taking your "Free View", you'll have a chance to win a hot new $300 driver. (And you'll like your odds of winning, too... because there are only a handful of guys like you in this raffle!) I'll tell you about this new driver in just a second.
Still with me? Good. Winning your new driver would be fun and all... but it's what Gregg has to show you that's really important. No true-blue golfer would dare risk missing out on this Holy Grail of golf. And you're about to be rewarded for your trust with the most exciting half-hour of your life.
You see... what Gregg teaches is...
How To Shuck Off The Crap That's Ruining Your Swing... And Allow The Natural Mechanics Of The Best Swing You're Humanly Capable Of To Just Take Over!
That sounds like a lot of work... but it isn't. That's the really good news. The other good news is that... the entire process of "shedding" all your bad habits and the muck that is ruining your swing... is incredibly easy (once you know what to do).
And then, it's the simplest thing in the world to "allow" the natural power and grace and accuracy
that's been hiding inside you all along to come out. And stay with you forever.
You can do it fast - literally just a few swings at the driving range is all you need to "get it". It's all in knowing what to do.
You're gonna really like this. In just over 22 minutes, you will:
- ✓ Finally look like a real golfer...
- ✓ Feel fabulous with every swing...
- ✓ Control your shots as if by magic...
- ✓ And start launching long-distance, super-accurate drives that would make Tiger Woods catch his breath.
You'll understand immediately why everybody is clamoring to get close to Gregg and his secrets when you see this new videotape we've made.
Because... while all the idiots teaching golf at the lower levels - the kind of teachers you and I are forced to deal with if we ever shell out for lessons anywhere - want to burden you with nonsense and a thousand things to remember on every swing... Gregg knows the TRUTH is much simpler:
- ➤ You want to move your hips, just like your body has been asking you do from the first time you picked up a club (and against the bad advice of teachers who insist you "stay still")...
- ➤ You want to "back-load" all your power into your right leg, just like a home run hitter in baseball (again, counter to the bone-headed advice most golfers receive)...
- ➤ And... most important... you want to "loosen up" and slow the heck down!
Most golfers - including you, including me - try to "hit" the ball. Huge friggin' mistake - the worst thing you can do as a golfer. As Gregg points out, if you gripped a baseball as tight as you gripped your golf club, you'd never be able to throw it within twenty feet of your target.
And, after all is said and done, using a club to hit a ball for maximum accuracy and distance isn't much different than throwing a baseball. You try too hard, you screw up. You relax, use your hips and let the natural mechanics of your body "whip" up a massive load of power... and you're in business.
His advice is really very simple - though you need to SEE it to understand. Thus the need for the video. Basically... Gregg teaches you to "get the club back there, arms close to your body, slide your hips, rotate... and slam the ball." When you accomplish this, it feels like the most natural thing in the world.
You're not tight... you're not trying to fit your body into some ridiculous "one size fits all" swing... and you're not stifling your natural inclination to unload all the power you have at the point of impact. You're tapping into the natural swing that's been hiding inside you all along.
When you hit a golf ball the right way - as Gregg is about to reveal to you - it's like an explosion off the tee. Feels good, looks great, makes your game so much easier.
Take my dad, Earl. He's been a die-hard golfer for decades... and was a victim of the golf magazines, just like so many of us. He kept trying to become more rigid, more "controlled", with as
little hip movement as possible (to avoid making any mistakes). And he hit his driver about 200 yards. But he was "under control."
Well, I introduced him to Gregg's "natural swing"... and it's been like night and day. Pop loosened up, allowed his "natural swing" to come out... and now he's out-driving me off the tee. (Last round, he was slugging drives around 280 yards every time, as relaxed as can be. Laughing the entire time.)
This proves several things about golf you may have forgotten:
- You don't need to be young, or strong, or even in shape to hit long drives.
- You don't need to struggle at the practice range to get your natural rhythm.
- And... you don't need to "find" new sources of power and control - because it's all there in you already... waiting for you to tap into it!
But enough talk already. Let me tell you how to get your "Free View" of this amazing new video... and put your name among just a few others in our cool raffle for the $400 driver.
Here's the deal: I got to Gregg through a professional golfer I know. (Without this guy, I would have never known that Gregg even existed.) At first, Gregg wasn't into making an instructional video - because he was making too much money giving private (and very secret) lessons to "insiders". But when he realized I was only letting a few other golfers - like you - in on the offer, he agreed to go on tape with everything he has.
This is like having God drop by your house to discuss theology. My office has been mysteriously swamped the last two days with calls from other professionals who demand - DEMAND - to have this tape sent to them immediately. (I suspect these are the pro's who haven't been able to get a private lesson with Gregg before.) I don't know how they even found out about this tape, but they're calling.
And you know what? I'm not sending them anything. This new video is ONLY for guys like you and my other friends... the guys who - until now - have been locked out of the "Privileged Club" of elite golfers who had access to secrets like Gregg's.
We're in the catbird seat now, you and I. We now have something the "insiders" are dying to possess... and they can't have it! Fun, isn't it? Screw 'em.
Anyway, here's how your "Free View" works. I am only gonna send out tapes to guys who are serious, so you have to show some evidence of being sincere. Therefore, I want you to write a check for the video...
But Post-Date It One Month From Today!
Mail your post-dated check to me — with the yellow "Reply Card" — in the envelope I've included with this letter. (The postage has already been paid for you, too.) I'll make sure your video is rushed to you by return mail. Watch it, and see what all the fuss is about. You have all month.
If you're not absolutely convinced you can quickly and easily and simply apply what Gregg teaches to your own game... to start hitting massively-powerful drives as accurate as a guided missile... as well as second shots from the fairway... and gorgeous little chips and pitches with "eyes for the hole"... then send the tape back. And I'll mail you back your post-dated check, uncashed.
You've had a...
Completely Risk-Free "Free View" Of The Hottest Secrets In Golf!
Or, if you can't wait for the mail, just call my office at 1-800-316-5871 and use your credit card. The "girls" in my office will make sure you get your tape by return mail. Tell them you want Gregg McHatton's video - there's only one.
You have a 100% Money Back Guarantee that you can use anytime... so you never actually risk a penny whatsoever. If you decide next year... or the year after that... or five years down the road... that Gregg really doesn't have anything to offer you... simply send the tape back, and you'll receive a prompt refund.
How much is this tape? Darn cheap. To reach Gregg personally (if you could "qualify" as a potential student, which, not being a PGA insider, you do not) it would cost you airfare to California, hotel, transportation to "his" golf course, plus a staggering amount in private lesson fees. Think two thousand dollars, easy, for one lesson.
But you don't get just one lesson in this tape. Nope. You get EVERYTHING Gregg has to offer - the complete "course" in finding your natural swing!
And all you have to shell out is... $49. Less than the price of a round at most courses these days.
How'd we do that? Never mind - it involved a little "arm twisting" and calling in some favors... and doing a month's worth of talking to Gregg about "helping the little guy", which he generously agreed to do. Overall, it's easier for Gregg to make this one tape, and then have us take it out to a few guys like you, than it is to hang out all day at the course teaching a bunch of spoiled rich guys private lessons.
Besides... Gregg has his eye on history. He'll still be the best-kept secret in golf... but with this tape, his stuff is now preserved forever. For future golfers.
So that's it. Mail in your post-dated check, or call with your credit card. We'll rush you the tape - it's called "Gregg McHatton's Power And Distance Secrets". (It's about an hour, but the "core" is just 22 minutes and 17 seconds long.) Have your "Free View", without risk. See what all the noise and thunder is about. If you're not happy, now or anytime in the future, send the tape back and come out without having spent a penny.
But you'll be happy. Like my Pop, seventy-two and the proud owner of the most relaxed, natural-looking golf swing he's ever had. Launching drives like a young buck on the Tour. Happy as hell, and loving life again.
That's what it's all about. God, I love golf, and I love "insider" secrets like this that make my scores drop like lead weights. You're going to be astonished at what you are about to see.
Sincerely,
[signature: Dr. Mike O'Leary] Dr. Mike O'Leary
P.S. Oops - almost forgot! When you get your tape, you also get a special "Raffle Number" ticket
that is yours to keep even if you send the tape back for a refund. On Oct. 5th at noon, we're going to put all the numbers in a hat, and pull one out. The winner gets a free "Easyair-T" Guaranteed-Distance driver - that amazing club that's taking the Senior PGA Tour by storm. (The first winner of 2000, George Archer, used one of these babies to out-drive everyone else by a ridiculous amount.) Fans include Billy Casper, Joe Inman, Jerry McGee and Calvin Peete, along with others who discovered they could use this club to make up for all the distance they lost when they got older... and then some. It's an expensive little bugger at way over $300 "at cost".
You'll love this club, no matter what kind of game you play. It's got a hilariously-named Big Inflater shaft that is serious technology for a driver. The club feels great in your hands, with all the perfectly-designed bulges and humps and recesses that force you to keep your swing "on plane", as they say. It's also a little longer than most drivers (but feels like an ordinary one), giving you an extra 3-to-4 inches of "arc" extension that automatically increases swing speed. Plus, it's loaded with all the other gizmos and high-tech whiz-bangs a hot new club should have - Zirconium/Titanium alloy in the face, big-head size (370cc), super-comfort grip, and more.
Result: Unbelievable swing speed, and George Archer says he got an extra 20 yards distance. Accurate as a homing pigeon coming home to nest.
Your odds of winning this club are darn good, too. Because there are only a handful of guys other than you involved. I can't give you a number until I see how many guys respond to this offer... but I can tell you that I don't expect too many. You're part of a very small "club" here with OHP.
Anyway, it's not an official sweepstakes thing or anything like that - just a way for us to add a little "spice" to the coming golf season. (Have you been out to play yet in this gorgeous spring weather?) It's like the old "office pools" you used to get in on, I imagine. (Except no one in our office gets to play.) Your ticket is free, and there's no obligation. I hope you win. Thanks.
[scanned outgoing envelope, printed sideways on the page]
606 East Acequia Visalia, CA 93292
[stamped diagonally in large letters: SECOND NOTICE]
Mr. John Carlton 316 California Ave., Apt. 114 Reno, NV 89509-1650
[printed presort code beside address: 89509+1650] [postal barcode] [circular postmark, partially legible: "LONG BE..."] [postage stamp with wavy cancellation lines]
This is one of my favorite examples of a "bonding" letter. By that, I mean there are deliberate elements here that help a targeted audience identify with the information.
The cover letter ("Please Read This First") is from Dr. O'Leary's father -- an obviously irascible old man who loves to beat his son at golf. He calls his doctor child a pipsqueak and an SOB... because his youth allows him to continue doing things on the golf course the old man can no longer manage.
Until now, that is. Because... here is a secret that will help any guy who has gotten older, stiffer, and less strong. Help him get back ALL the old power and control and dominance.
You think older golfers might respond to this kind of appeal? If a younger guy tried to sell them on it, they might scoff. But here is "one of their own" giving a spirited testimonial. Makes all the difference.
I used a cover letter -- rather than incorporate the father's comments into the letter -- to highlight the concept. A well-placed cover letter, on a smaller and different weight stock paper than the main piece, will get read first. It "sets up" the pitch.
The headline of the letter is a great example of "specificity", too. I could have said "in just under half an hour", or "in just thirty minutes"... but these phrases don't carry the punch of being almost ridiculously specific. Why 22 minutes and 17 seconds? That's the actual "counter clock" time on the video when the lesson reveals the main goods. So why NOT use the exact numbers? It pulls you in.
Beware, however. Some writers get too wound up in specificity. Don't overdo it. I didn't say "what 409 privileged elite golfers will pay" in the other section of the headline. That's overkill.
Use specificity as a master cook uses spices.
Just a pinch goes a long way.
This ad also is notable in that it introduces the talent (the "expert") in depth before getting into the benefits of the product. In other golf ads in this collection, note that usually I make sure there's a thick layer of direct benefits laid out before I introduce the expert.
This alternate delivery is deliberate. This guy Gregg McHatton happens to have credentials up the yin-yang... and when you're blessed with this kind of recognition (PGA teacher of the year, testimonials from recognized experts) you want to USE it. I don't get
to the benefits of this product until halfway through page 2 ("How to instantly feed 'pro level' power, distance and accuracy into your golf game!"). The reader responds to this appeal because of the credentials of the talent.
Remember... most folks do not get to meet interesting people, or do interesting things. When you can legitimately offer them a chance to experience what only the most privileged usually get to experience, you earn their attention.
And here's an opportunity to have a private lesson with the "best kept secret in golf".
*Unique offer here, too:* You can post-date your check for a whole month. Which means, if you decide you don't want the video after all, you just give the word and your check will be sent back to you, uncashed. Your bank account will never feel a ripple.
Usually, with this kind of post-dating offer, you also offer credit card users the opportunity to not have their card "dinged" for a month. The operators take down the credit card number, but do not process the charge for 30 days. We chose not to do this for this offer -- for two reasons. One, it gives the reader a choice: pay with credit card and rely on the generous money-back guarantee (the best in the business, by the way)... or post-date a check. And, two, we knew from experience that many credit card buyers in this market don't care much about post-dating -- with a 30-day risk-free free look, they can simply have the charge erased from their card. It appears as self-canceling plus and minus numbers on their account.
By the way... if your cash-flow cannot handle waiting a month to charge credit cards or cash checks, you can always have your operators offer an incentive for immediate payment. A free report, available only to people who pay in full now, works well.
So does a believable personal appeal from the operator. It genuinely is a pain in the ass to hold payment. If your operators show some personality ("you'd really be doing me a favor"), and simply remind the caller that he gets a complete, risk-free, 100% money-back guarantee anyway... they can often get him to go ahead and allow the charge to be rung through. It's all about trust and believability. The offer of a post-dated billing does its job by giving the customer a sense of confidence in your credibility. And though that offer may "tip" him into ordering, he often no longer needs the post-dating after he's made his decision.
Finally, there's a raffle announced in the P.S. copy. I generally do not like contests like this, only because of the mess they create in making them work properly. You really need someone to stay on top of the contest. This one worked out quite well, but I'm not convinced it affected response all that much.
You should understand that using contests opens a whole new can of worms for you legally. There are rules you must follow. No rigging allowed. The government takes a dim view of haphazard contests, and will downright come after you if you do any kind of lottery without the requisite legalities. (Go check out the back of a rub-off contest ticket at a major fast-food joint sometime. You'll find twelve paragraphs of 3-point legal copy that reads like a contract to buy stock.) So be careful, and do your due diligence with a lawyer.
Last note: I've included a photocopy of the outgoing envelope for this piece. So you can see how a stamped First Class piece goes out. Plus, we used a big red "Second Notice" stamp on the second mailing to highlight the urgency.
This sample is a "seed" letter -- my name is secretly inserted into most mailing lists, without the letter shop's knowledge. This helps keep them honest... and allows me to know exactly when the letters arrive.
I don't want to shock you... but there are letter shop printers who will consider "shaving" the number of letters they mail for you, in order to increase their profit. If you contract to mail 40,000 letters, pay for the printing and postage... and they only mail 30,000... they get to keep the shaved money. And unless you've salted the list with names you can check with, you will have zero chance to catch them.
They also may tell you they mailed the letters on Friday (the best day to mail First Class, so the letters arrive on Monday, giving you a full week to take orders). But when your seeds don't arrive until the following Thursday, you know they're not telling the truth. This kind of late mailing will drive you crazy... and kill your profit. A letter that arrives late in the week puts all sort of wrong thoughts in the reader's head... such as "I'll just wait until Monday to call", or "Jeez, I've got so much to do before the weekend, I can't call today"... as well as the fact that Fridays are a horrible day to take orders (because your operators are tired and already thinking about that date they have after work), and few people order on Saturday. The day your mail drops is VERY important.
So always seed your list with at least a few dozen people you know, from different parts of the country. It's just smart managing.